While I was driving recently, I was thinking about you. As I thought about what to share with you, I watched other drivers on the road be impatient and unkind to one another.
For example, I watched as someone in a line of 20 cars decided he didn’t want to wait in line. (We’ll call him Sid.) So, he drove around all the drivers who were waiting and got back in line closer to the intersection.
Keep in mind that this happened three times by three different drivers while I waited to get through the intersection.
As someone sharing the road, I could either choose to be upset about this behavior or I could allow space for the belief that everything happens for a reason (whether I know the reason or not).
I chose the latter.
(As I write this, it makes total sense. It seems obvious to me that it happened so I’d have something to share. *She laughs.* But, seriously… )
In a very simplified definition, road rage is the result of a choice to be upset about someone else’s choice. “Upset” meaning that the person chooses to act in a way that expresses strong anger (typically referred to as rage) towards another in a way with the intent to do harm.
But what stops someone from going from being mildly irritated to being seriously willing to go to jail for harming someone else?
Back to our example…
As I thought consciously about Sid’s behavior, three questions rolled through my mind at lightning speed.
First, what is it?
(I’ll try to relate just the facts here.) Sid left the line and moved his truck up in the line instead of waiting his turn.
Second, what does it mean?
This is the turning point.
This is point where the decision is made that determines what happens next.
The meaning attached to any experience in life will determine what we feel and do as a result of that experience.
For example, if I choose to believe that the rule is that we all take turns and wait in line for our turn. Since he didn’t wait in line and he cut in front of others, then, he broke the law and should be punished for his actions. This meaning leads me to feel upset because he got away with breaking the law.
If, instead, I choose to believe that he was late for work and would lose the sole income for his family if he didn’t get there in time, then this meaning would help me have compassion for him and understand his rush.
Do you feel the difference? By changing the meanings associated with the same event, I can feel a complete sense of peace and actually a desire to help Sid get to work.
the third question is “what am I going to think, feel, and do as a result of this thing that happened?”
This is a natural consequence that flows easily based on the meaning associated with the experience.
If I choose to believe he was breaking the law and deserved to be punished, I could easily begin an emotional roller coaster that I could let last all day long. It could have the potential to influence my working relationships.
Or…
If Sid was late for work and was afraid of losing his job that provided the sole income for his family, would I have done the same thing if I were in Sid’s shoes?
Just food for thought. Time to go for now. My wish for you is that you consciously choose what something means so that you can consciously control your emotions and actions. It could make all the difference.
See you later!
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